2. Honour the Impact
Lots of people view life-changing events as something to “get over” so you can “get back on track” as soon as possible. This infers that there is a fixed path for life, and it is your job to get back to that path whenever something happens as soon as possible, and if you don’t, or can’t, there’s something wrong with you and the course your life is taking.
While this isn’t true, this can create huge feelings of loss and grief for the life that you have left behind, and for the life that you feel like you should have. When something like a breakup, or a death happens, we often mourn the ending of something as much as we’re mourning the loss of a future we thought we had.
Ensure you take the time to honour the impact that this has on your life, and that your life, your expectations, and the path ahead that you felt was clear is very different now. This isn’t a “bump in the road”. You might feel like you’ve been transported, Wizard of Oz style into a completely new world that has nothing in common with the one you had before.
On the flip side, you might find yourself feeling not much at all, and it can be difficult to see people treating you differently because they feel like everything has changed for you, when really, it feels like nothing has changed at all. That’s perfectly okay too.
There is nothing that you should or shouldn’t feel in the aftermath of an event, and it’s perfectly normal to feel relief or even happiness in the time following a big change, especially if the time leading up to it was particularly long and difficult.
There is no “should” or “shouldn’t”
in loss, grief, or trauma, only what is.